


eat my pineapple, todd!

by creativitea



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: M/M, Pineapples, foodkink?? possibly, i'm lowkey judging myself for writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 00:20:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15449118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creativitea/pseuds/creativitea
Summary: uhm.. dirk wears silly boxers with pineapples on them, and things escelate quickly.





	eat my pineapple, todd!

**Author's Note:**

> DON'T ASK ME WHY THIS IS A THING.
> 
> (i think it started with some weird headcanon in the brotzly discord i was in, but i do not remember the context at all. but it was a drabble in my drafts and i guess i finished it.)

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Todd gives Dirk's boxers a glare that he often aims in the direction of Dirk's face when he's being strange. "Are those actual pineapples on your boxers?" He doesn't even sound surprised, just Done. 

"They have to match my tie and my socks!" Dirk argues, like his personal rule is general knowledge. (something he does quite often)

"Why?" Todd asks rhetorically.

Dirk answers anyway. "Fashion, Todd! Obviously!! Keep up!"

 

"But it's your underwear.. who's gonna see that?" Todd still doesn't quite get the logic.

But it makes Dirk grin, because the answer to that is obvious. "Well.. you?"

"The most frustrating thing is that you're able to pull goofy stuff like that off. How the fuck are you hot in boxers like that?!" Todd is such an angry dude, even when he's happy. Dirk finds it silly in the best way possible. Besides, he's also silly because he is in fact wrong. "If anyone is pulling my boxers off, it's you, Todd." Dirk says, just because he can't resist doing it. 

"And I don't know what you're talking about?! There's nothing sexier than underwear with food on it. It's called foodporn for a reason, Todd.."

Of course Todd just has to correct him "That's not..." Dirk interrupts before Todd can finish, even though Todd would probably have left the sentence hanging there anyway. "BESIDES, it implies that you're gonna eat me. I'm a fruitsalad! Eat my pineapple, Todd!"

The only response he gets from Todd is a resigned sigh and a face that seems defeated. (But in a way as if he's happy about it. Which seems to be Todd around Dirk a lot of the time) 

 

 

And Todd thought that was the end of that story, but Dirk is not one to be done with something until he has completely followed through. 

It all starts with a text;

 

> \- I got rid of the pineapple underwear for you.

 

Todd almost expects a picture of flaming underwear when he sees the picture loading in their chat (he doesn't have the best wifi). But instead, there's a naked picture of Dirk, edited to have a pineapple emoji over his dick. Todd, who is a useless bi wreck when he texts, ends up sending his reply in two messages. 

>  
> 
> \- Can I come
> 
> \- over
> 
>  

He knows Dirk is writing a terrible joke as soon as he sees the three dots pop up to signal that he's typing. 

> \- Loving the walkietalkie throwback!
> 
> \- But yes, to both. 
> 
> \- Only if you're in the mood for pineapple, though. 

 

Todd who is a forever thirsty bisexual quickly comes a-knocking on Dirk's door. 

The reply is just a "Todd?" through the door, both as a question and as an invitation to come in. 

 

He finds Dirk on the bed, hugging his pillow. When Todd has locked the door, Dirk throws said pillow on the floor. 

Todd rushes over in a hurry, but suddenly stops up (mid climbing-on-top-of-Dirk) when he notices a goddamn can of pineapple-rings.

When he looks back at Dirk, that dork is giving him the most mischevious grin ever. 

"What the fuck is it you even have in mind for this?" Todd says, exasperated (but too horny to sound uninterested). 

"You eating both?" he says, giving a nod as if he's gesturing Todd to look at... not his face. 

"H o w...." Mr. Furrowbrow-Brotzman has arrived. "You might have Big Dick Energy, but... that hole is bigger than..." Todd is almost annoyed he's considering the logistics of this, instead of just ending it once and for all. 

Dirk is biting his own lip to hold back a laugh about the joke he's tempted to make, but he's failing. Todd, able to tell what the joke is just from his laugh, rolls his eyes. 

Something-about-a-hole, haha very funny.

 

When Dirk asks him "Would you rather have me shove an actual pineapple up your ass?", Todd gets ready to leave. Dirk grabs his arm before he's able to leave the bed. He's so cute, giggling and holding onto Todd to keep him in his bed, that Todd ends up giving in. Luckily, he doesn't get an entire pineapple up his ass... but things does get kinda ... juicy.

 

* * *

 

It's a few days later, and Dirk isn't wearing a tie today, so Todd jokingly comments "Oh, so you're not coordinating your ties with your underwear anymore?"

 

Based on his cheeky grin, it almost looks like Dirk has been waiting for Todd to ask him that. "Oh, no, I am." he replies with a wink. 

And he's definitely smiling when he notices that Todd's face is turning red as he's looking at Dirk's pants after getting the information he's going commando. 

 

Todd clears his throat as if his throat is suddenly getting dry. "Thirsty?" Dirk raises his brows knowingly. 

"I'm.. uh... gonna go get some pineapple-juice" Todd says, going to the kitchen, knowing full well there is none of that in his fridge or cupboards. Once again Dirk just grabs his arm to stop him. "Yeah, you are!"


End file.
